What I’m Doing Now

As updated on October 28th, 2023.

Taking advantage of a new location:

The largest change since my last now” entry is that Anné and I moved across the country for her first engineering job. More specifically, we chose to find an apartment in Providence, Rhode Island, with a goal in mind to see what big city life” felt like for the first time.

Well, 4 months in and we now feel like Providence isn’t really that big” of a city after all (further evidenced by recent weekend train trips to Boston and New York City) — that’s not necessarily a bad thing, though. We often remark on PVD being a very manageable” city to live in, and I’m trying to take real advantage of living here while we’re fortunate enough to. I’ve been taking long, near-daily walks, I’ve sat in a few parks just to enjoy the weather, heck — I even joined one of the USs oldest libraries just this weekend.

Riding the mental health rollercoaster:

To contrast the highs of exploring our new home, I’ve admittedly had a low season with my mental health. Thinking back on it, there are quite a few times in life where I’ve felt confined to my bed mentally; unable to motivate myself to so much as get up and eat. This late summer and early fall had too many of those days, and while I know depression doesn’t require an overarching reason to manifest, I’m still grappling with not having a clear reason for feeling so outside of myself.

My best guess to what’s weighing me down is that this season has given me more responsibilities than ever before, with the vast majority of those obligations also resting solely on me for accountability. There’s no one calling to check if I’m running late for a shift, no guardian inquiring about a chore they expected done. Nowadays it’s just me (mentally low, me).

Having adult responsibilities isn’t even a new aspect of my life, but I’ve been struggling to face them consistently. That’s lead to a drought in my writing, shying away from extra efforts at work, and falling out of streaming almost entirely. Those areas feel like downright failures (the kind you regret for years, even with future understanding for your past self). I hope to remedy them.

Acclimating to evermore adulting:

The upshot of having more responsibilities to handle is that I’ve actually gotten better at some things I’d have shied away from before. I regularly cook Anné and I dinner throughout the week, keep our apartment clean on a set schedule of chores, and generally manage to ensure we’re fed, clothed, and continue to have a clean living space.

In the past this was not always a given (everyone lets parts of these slide sometimes), and it feels good to improve. I still haven’t made the fully set routine I’d aspire to, but more aspects of one are materializing, which is heartening.

Embracing photography & the arts”:

Last, I’ve continued to practice photography throughout our move and now around New England (this is my first time spending any real time in this area of the US). I still feel a little lost” in Providence, with it being too fresh to have found a set project or direction for my work here. I’m just enjoying continuing to make images. Pretty sights while exploring new places, small scenes on my everyday walks, usually unnoticed visual details — they’re all fair game.

I also just finished reading Vivian Maier Developed” by Ann Marks, which was a lovely psychobiography. The descriptions of how Vivian’s work changed throughout her life inspired me to continue trying to make small bodies of work myself no matter where I am (or how much I’m able to do with the resulting output). This also has me excited to poke my nose into other photo books or biographies at nearby libraries. Yay, books!


Previous Now” updates:

Credit to Derek Sivers for popularizing the /now page idea. It’s a good’un. :)